A friend of mine made up a journal of my trip to Disneyworld, sorta like the journal below that I made up about someone else except the one Dave made up is much funnier. I'm putting it here because Facebook is evil and might eat it just to fuck with me. Facebook's like that, you know.
This is Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 1.
Landed in Alabama. Great Fucking Start!!
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 2.
Finally made it to Florida. Hate swamps, by the way. Hope Darlene makes it here in the next few days. Not at Disneyworld yet, but am enjoying the mini-putt course at the Days Inn. I am so drunk.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 2(b)
Darlene is here! She made quicker work of that Boa Constricter than I thought she would. She blames me for leaving her behind and I blame her for trying to pet a Boa Constricter. She is not happy we are staying at a Days Inn. I'm not happy I don't get the bed to myself like I planned tonight. Well make up, we always do. Will report to you from Disneyworld tomorrow.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 3. (a)
Well, we got up early and made our way to Disneyworld. As we were checking in to our resort the check-in guy mentioned that Mickey Mouse was sick and wouldn't be back for 3 weeks. I started to cry. Deep sobs. He smiled and said not to worry they would find someone else for the costume. Costume? Costume!!! This whole place is a lie, a damn lie. I flew in to a rage, throwing chairs, lamps, two Norwegian kids and a singing fish plaque around the lobby. I then sunk to my knees and with a gutteral moan fell over in to the fetal position. Darlene walked over and kicked me in the face and told me she wasn't going through this for the fifth time. I got up and now we are going on some rides. I love this place.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 3. (b)
Ready for bed after a day of rides. Saw a couple of homosexuals and a transgendered dwarf. Apparently, they aren't Disney characters but I still took a picture with them. The new ride "A Journey Through Walt Disney's Head" was very chilly, I should have brought a jacket. I only cried once because I dropped my ice cream. Darlene bought me another one, that made me smile. :)
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 4. (a)
Had a good sleep. The Goofy pillows are much more comfy than the Donald Duck pillows. We went out for breakfast at Pirates of the Caribbean Pancakes. Mine were too piratey but Darlene said her's were swashbucklicious. I am spending all my money on souvenirs for my friend Dave. I hope he is not reading this because I want him to be surprised. Darlene only gives me 5 dollars a day spending money so it will be all cheap stuff like Pinocchio's nose, a cricket I found and put a top hat on and a really tiny globe.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 4. (b)
Went to the Epcot Center which is actually the Epcot Left of Center. Had dinner with a lovely Asian couple. Bought two genuine Beijing Olympics Gold medals. And a set of Chairman Mao ears. Wore them around the rest of the evening.
Went to the Haunted House and when I walked in it was decorated like the Post Office. I screamed. I really screamed.
Don't see doing much tomorrow. It is DNA test day on Maury and I am psyched. I know the show is only an hour but Darlene and I like to act out the show for a good solid 12 hours after. If we do go out to dinner I want to hit the Country Bear Jamboree Restaurant. You get to eat out of garbage cans and coolers. Neat.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 5.
Never got out of the hotel room today. We watched and then re-enacted Maury for hours. Darlene played the dual role of Maury/herself and after convincing me that the DNA test said I was the father of Huey, Duey and Louie she stormed out screaming I cheated on her. I cried because I was convinced the DNA test would come back negative and that this whole Huey, Duey and Louie thing would be put to rest. Maury went after her to try and comfort her but neither one is back yet. What started out as a fun day could leave me living in single occupancy. Damn ducks and their irresistability.
By the way this New Orleans themed resort is getting a little tiring. Every morning somebody throws a bucket's worth of water through our window.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 6.
Cinderella is taller than she looks. Dopey is dumber than I thought. Snow White has a bitchin' tan and Prince Charming is an asshole. Had a good day. Hope Darlene/Maury comes back tonight. Off to wish upon a star.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 7.
Darlene is back. Woohoo!! She has forgiven me for fathering duck triplets and wants to get back to our vacation adventure. Had lunch. Darlene ate 3 ducks. Met the guy responsible for emptying all the garbage cans in one specific area of the park. He signed my ass. I am going to have it made in to a tattoo. Off to the Universal Studios Tour. I think it is sort of like a zoo or something. It better not be some boring movie related shit. I hate that kind of crap.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 8.
Went to a Wave Pool today. Nobody waved at me. When I waved at them they looked at me like I was retarded. Liked the big rolls of water though. The should call it a Big Rolls of Water Park. Punched Goofy in the face when he said I had a nice ass. I do, but Goofy doesn't need to be saying that kind of shit.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 9.
Got an erection standing next to 6 of the 7 dwarfs. Nothing around Grumpy. I am apparently OK with dumb but not thrilled with pissy.
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 10.
Just got in. Spent the day in Disney jail because I happened to mention the name of a non-Disney character in front of some rat bastard tattle-tale of a kid. Met Tramp(of Lady and the...), he was in the next cell. All I can say is stay away from heroin. That shit will fuck you up!
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 11.
It's a small world after all. I know, I know. God help us
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 13.
I know I didn't post on Day 12 but Mouse, Duck, parade, what the hell else is left to say. When I started this journal I forgot how I always hit that "I can't take another happy person!" phase. Hit it. Right now, I would love to see a Princess, a dwarf , a puppet whatever swan dive off the the top of Cinderella's castle. That would make me fucking ecstatic!!
Hiro's Disneyworld Vacation Journal. Day 14.
This will be my last journal entry. Darlene has taken away my internet privileges because she caught me watching Snow White and the Seven Inch Dwarves.
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